My mind has been rather restless for months, and months and months. Since last year, when I got a new job in a design house in Chinatown (still there now, believe it or not), I thought everything in my life had pretty much settled down, and I could feel a blanket of peace covering me slowly. I felt I could tell myself with a little bit of confidence, “Alright. Things seem to be working now.” To be honest I was completely undecided before that, a tad helpless even. Ok hell, throw in some confusion too. Did I want to continue working? Or throw another 20grand into a year of study where in my head plays this mini video clip of myself, working my ass off on a Final Year Project and a thesis that probably wouldn’t even see the light of day after I graduated with that piece of paper, a degree? The way I just described the 2 options, it looks like I had already made my decision right? Wrong. Because both paths seemed right. They felt right, you know. And that was really scary to me, somehow. I didn’t want 3rd parties to influence my decision, so I tried to shut them and their opinions out, and try to find a space where I could sit down and think, and then maybe, with some sheer luck, decide on what I wanted to do with my life.
lol. Of course I chose to continue with work. Slowly, this need to start chasing the piece of paper faded away, and I realized I’ve been like a fool the whole time, and I am not mincing my words, I mean “fool” as in, a REAL idiot. What I wanted was not a degree, what I actually wanted, was to see more of the world. And that is exactly what I’m going to do. Slowly, but surely. I will.
